....beginning

If you take the projected American male life expectancy for 2025, 79.4 years, then I am basically at exactly half that. So, to call anything a beginning is a half-truth. In the Hero's Journey, this is my journey home, to rectify all that has changed since I left to discover who I Am.

Everyone has a story, beautiful and sad. I'd like to think mine is both.

I spent most of my travels figuring out who I Am Not. I did this exclusively, The Hard Way. Most of my life was spent in the throes of addiction, first video games and Dr. Pepper, then alcohol, then drugs, on to crime, needles, destitution. I was hooked on it all. I loved the rebellion, the (idea of) freedom of life as an outlaw. Living outside the boundaries of accepted norms, convinced I was never good enough to be something, to fit in. I was built to be an outlier. But knowing you were meant to be something different can paralyze you with fear.

The expectations and responsibilities, mostly imposed by self, can be overwhelming. Drugs were the easy answer. Recovery is hard. It takes work and vigilance and in all honesty I'm not sure how I survived. Many of your friends, family, acquaintances, partners, and children did not. I'm sorry for the world's loss, we grieve together. I live for them and I live for the ones still struggling.

As of this writing I am 4 years, 3 months, and 1 day clean. 1 day, that is the most important one, because this one is the only one I am guaranteed. I thought I was broken, beyond repair, yet here I stand, in spite of the odds. In spite of myself.

I'm not going to lay out my whole story in this first post, the mystery will be revealed in pieces, in the same way my life is revealed to me. One detail at a time. This site won't even make sense until it is complete, if it ever is, but you will learn about me, where I'm at, what I've accomplished and what I've overcome. You will see me face my challenges in real-time(ish).

I have a lot of love to show the world and I'm grateful I Am alive to be able to share it. Time's are tough, but we will get through this, together.